dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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