this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
