yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sober January is a disaster.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
