did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
