just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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