Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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