Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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