Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
