I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
