dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
