I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
