I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
