so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
