Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
