apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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