i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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