someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
