He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
