there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
