he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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