ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
