I feel great
I just peed on a car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
