similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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