PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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