i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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