when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
