the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
