why didn't you poke me back
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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