Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
