saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
