I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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