just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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