I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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