Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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