dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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