no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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