its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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