All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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