can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
