marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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