Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
