i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
