I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
