Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
