Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
