Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
