saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
