I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
