Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
