All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
