you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
