I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Screwed.edu
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
