happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
40s are totally the cure
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
